- Below are some of the things that I can teach you. Please email me or send a comment if you are reading this and would like to see these teachings. I don't know if anyone is reading this blog, so I will see if they are before I write all of this.
- I can teach you the...
- Top 10 ways to lose weight
- Top 10 ways to beat depression
- Top 10 ways to overcome or adapt to anxiety.
- Top 10 ways to NEVER have another urinary tract infection.
- Top 10 ways to have a gun, taser, or protective items in your house so that you will NEVER be raped or killed while sleeping or while home alone during the day.
- Top 10 ways to do crazy funny sh*t so that your life starts making you laugh.
- Top 10 ways to write comedy, humor, funny stuff. And my extreme professional credentials for that.
- Top 10 ways to NOT commit suicide.
- Top 10 ways, if you're gonna do it, to use the only fail-proof way to commit suicide.
- Top 10 ways to talk you OUT of suicide. I can tell you that only 20% of people who try suicide (even with guns!) succeed, and the ones who fail live like drooling monsters in nursing homes the rest of their lives. Don't try it.Speaking of suicide.....
- Top 10 ways, if you're so messed up that you don't mind dying, to find a bunch of cool stuff you should do instead, and if you die doing it, so what? It might show you that it's more fun to live.
- Top 10 ways to be funnier in social situations.
- Top 10 ways to win on whichever world religion turns out to be true, without even knowing which one is right, and have a fun life, too, in case when you die, you're just dead.
- Top 10 ways to get a tan from lotion--a tan that is NOT orange (but it's expensive--but less than $50. Saves you from having to whiten your teeth).
- Top 10 ways to practice writing poetry by writing it online (free).
- Top 10 ways to make a daily spray for your lady parts that is the exact pH of your lady parts.
- Top 10 ways to endure the pain of the death of your spouse, and tell you the things no one tells you about how it feels. Sadness is way down the list.
- Top 10 ways not to raise your children.
- Top 10 ways to marry the right man.
- Top 10 ways to know if you are monogamous or need more than one lover.
- Top 10 ways to make fantastic Irish soda bread or spaghetti sauce.
- How to buy noodles with NO CALORIES, NO CARBS, NO GLUTEN that taste EXACTLY like regular noodles--spaghetti, fettucini or angel hair.
- Top 10 ways to write funnier prose/narratives/essays than you've been writing.
- Top 10 ways to get a weekly column in your local newspaper. (I was a syndicated columnist for the NYTimes Syndicate.)
- And more
[By the way, I accept short poems, memes, jokes, short essays, short rants, short conspiracy theories, and wack material from crazy people--including people in mental institutions or who *should* be in mental institutions and anything that makes me laugh. At my discretion, I might post it on the blog with your name (your copyright is automatically yours and stays yours). Email me or send feedback (not sure how this blog format works) Only material that makes me laugh will get published.]
SO send feedback or email if you want me to write about any of those things.
* * *
