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I couldn't get that red wheelbarrow out of the title so I started a new blog with a new psychological experimental purpose. Thanks! 

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SUICIDE -- THE ULTIMATE REASON NOT TO COMMIT SUICIDE

I write on Quora as Maria-Elisa Vetia. This is the question that was sent to me, and my response is an argument against suicide that almost no one knows or has ever heard. It will stop ANYONE from committing suicide, I truly believe.

After this essay, I've posted (in a separate post below) another essay answering a reader who asked me if I was still suicidal. 

Here is the question I received:

Why shouldn't I commit suicide? I've tried all the therapy stuff, all of the meds, and all of that other suicide help stuff. Why shouldn't I just kill myself? And no, don't say that my family and "friends" would miss me or that I'm selfish.

Maria-Elisa Vetia, Doctorate Law & Poverty Law, University of Wisconsin - Madison (1991)

Answered Aug 26

There’s often just ONE remaining answer, once all other answers are analyzed and found insufficient to stop suicide.

It’s because the odds of success of all suicide attempts in non-elderly are 100 to 200 to ONE that you will fail (Institute on Suicidology. Google it.) Elderly people fail only 4 to 1, meaning the vast majority of them fail but they’re better at it than non-elderly). Even a gun to the temple, or in the mouth, or hanging, or whatEVER—the vast majority FAIL.

Then….you thought your life was screwed up before?

Here’s you after a failed suicide attempt:

Half of your face is blown off. Very attractive. You live in a mental institution. With lunatics pointing and laughing at you for life. You are given a hole in your side through which nurses (who can’t talk to you because you have no mouth any more) squeeze this horrible brown goo to keep you alive.[ Cruel or what? To keep you alive like THAT, when you didn’t even want to live when you were a regular human and not a MONSTER?]

YOU WILL TERRIFY CHILDREN if they come thru the nuthouse and see you thru a glass window.

If the bullet bounces off your skull (and even a .22 does that often!) and goes down thru your body and effs up your intestines? Oh NOW you have a POOP TUBE in which all your brown poop runs all day, into a CLEAR BAG, visible to all, and some nurse comes in and CLEANS OUT THE TUBE AND THEN SHOOTS IN WATER TO WASH YOUR INTESTINES EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR ONE HOUR.

Think THAT smells good?

So now, you’re a half-headed monster, fed goo thru a tube, you can’t talk, your sh*t is played with for an hour a day stinking up the room, and….wait for it…it gets better……………you lose half of your brain!

Hanging isn’t something that people always do right the first time, nor carbon dioxide in a car, not even shooting yourself or poisoning yourself.

ALL OF THOSE remove most of your intelligence and turn half of your brain into sludge.

Now your arms and legs are jerking around all the time, so you’re tied down. You’re having seizures (tied to a table), your eye, if you still have one, is rolling around and can’t see anything, and mucous, spit, and other grotesque pinkish goo is being caught by a gauze bandage that never gets changed often enough ,so you are now soaked with mucous goo dripping out of what’s left of your FACE.

READY FOR THE FUN PART?

THIS IS YOUR LIFE NOW!

NEVER TO BE FIXED, AND THEY CANT DO EUTHANASIA, AND YOU CAN’T COMMUNICATE because you are pretty much of an earthworm now in slightly human form.

And you thought you wanted to die when your body was perfect or even partly perfect.

Think again, my friend.

Read the stats on failed suicides and then GO TO GOOGLE IMAGES AND SEARCH “FAILED SUICIDES” for pictures of what you will look like.

Oh, your problems won’t look so bad after you do that.

How do I know all this?

I was right where you were psychologically, when I happened to run across one photo of the face of a person who had failed. Then I researched that, and damn if I’m not alive today, and even tho I’m still a walking argument for Jean Paul Sartre’s NOTHINGNESS and existential meaninglessness, I’m so glad I wasn’t in the majority of human monsters who FAILED at suicide.

SUICIDE. HOW I BECAME SUICIDAL: A NARRATIVE OF A DARK LIFE

I write a lot on Quora, under the name Maria-Elisa Vetia. Below is one of two essays I wrote on suicide. The first (post above this) is the best one. 

The essay above WILL STOP ANYONE from committing suicide, and it's no reasoning you've ever heard before. I'll post that next. 

Below is the story of how I myself became suicidal and invented a fail-proof method of dying fast, and was often within minutes of going to the selected spot and doing it.

I wrote the below essay in reply to a reader who wanted to know if I was OK or still suicidal. 

It's an anecdote of how I BECAME suicidal. It won't make total sense unless you read the one I'm going to post above, which was a reply to a  kid who asked on Quora, "Why shouldn't I commit suicide?" The post above this one is my reply to that young man. Again, the below is my reply to a nice man who wanted to know if I was still suicidal.

Maria-Elisa Vetia

Aug 28 · 1 upvote from John Galan

John, you are so kind to worry about me! I am completely fine, and I hope you are too. Two years ago, however, my husband died of cancer in a horrible way, and I was there for all the horror plus hovering over him for 7 years since he got the diagnosis.

It really did bad things to me psychologically.

Mixed with the trauma of our 2 adult children deciding to abandon us just about a year before he died, and we never found out why, and I wasn’t recovered from that, and never will be, when HE died, leaving me completely alone.

We were in a new town where we knew no one yet (just moved), and NO ONE came to help. It was bizarre.

I was in some kind of denial thru his whole illness, and the minute he died, my defense system failed. I suddenly got 2 weeks of amnesia and yet had to function in horrible ways, with not one soul helping. Things like pick up his ashes (freaky!), file papers at the courthouse (no idea where to go), change title to his car (a nice man helped me find that place), and then take over all the bill paying, and the whole house and yard while I wanted time to curl up in a dark cave and recover!

Not one person even sent us FLOWERS! We were horribly isolated, but in our prior town, had a zillion friends.

So, I went into a weird depression where I could sleep 30 hours in a row, wake up for food and water, 30 more hours of sleep, etc and no one checked on me or knew I was in this descending flight pattern.

It went so deep that it became clear to me that suicide was the obvious next step. My whole view of life changed, and I saw its absurdity and pointlessness of all the effort we have to put out.

I saw my husband’s stunning career (a best-selling author and professor emeritus) go into cardboard boxes to the landfill. Entire semesters of how to teach Milton, every reference note and textbook: landfill.

And I never did (still never have) shaken the view of how awful it seems to me that parents, wishing to have “fun” with a little family and some cute little kids, just bring children into the world. They don’t think about how the parents will die way before the kids, and the kids, then adults, will be left fending for themselves in a world where you know the end of the story is that you lose, but you aren’t even given the courtesy given to serial killers: to know when and how you will die.

And for me, it will be alone. I was an excellent mother, devoted, nurturing, never spanked, and they were the highest happiness of my whole life. Then out of nowhere, a mutiny, and all the children gone. They won’t come back. All the books I’ve read say that after 3 years, they never come back because it’s all too weird.

Anyway, there was the idea of suicide which seemed so logical and such an OBVIOUS way out, to avoid the descent into old age, ugliness, and alone-ness, possibly dementia, ALS, who knows?

And I spent many months researching how to commit suicide. I couldn’t even share that pain with anyone because if you mention it, they have an obligation to tell authorities, and you HAVE to go to a mental institution and usually now, get shock therapy (it’s back in style). So because of THAT rule, I couldn’t even ask a counselor, or ANYONE for help.

But I’m a great researcher and after months, years of research, I DO know how to commit suicide without any chance of failing, but I won’t tell that. Ever.

And I won’t do it because I have foundational Catholic thinking that makes me fear hell. I just will NEVER do it.

But there isn’t a day, even at my happiest, when I wouldnt give all I have to just vaporize. Mainly to have never been born. That is my greatest regret, that in that one minute of fun for a married couple, decades of labor fall on me, and all these bad cards drawn.

But I was also strongly persuaded against suicide when I came across a discussion about failed suicide attempts. The more I read and saw, and the more statistics supported each other, that the failure rate is SO high, and that if you fail, you end up much worse off than when you were JUST suicidal.

So when I hear or read someone’s talk about suicide, I know from long experience of wanting to die but balancing it out so that I didn’t, even though I was VERY often within minutes of undertaking it. I know how stupid every argument sounds when you just want out.

And I knew that the “failed suicide” information scared the crap out of me and I THEN knew absolutely that I will never attempt it, even though I think I know a way, but I’m not even sure I remember that, because suicide is something I just refuse to consider as an option any more. EVER. I decided to stop thinking about it and by act of will, to refuse to consider it ever again, and I am now completely free from the danger of doing it.

I still wish I had never been born, not because I’m sad—my life is actually absolutely perfect except that I lost my whole family haha, so not THAT perfect—but otherwise, it’s everything I ever wanted.

But I know that everything I do is ultimately pointless. No one will read the hundreds of diaries I’ve kept. They’ll be in the landfill, maybe near my husband’s life work of teaching and authorship. No one will want my paintings, or to hear tapes of the songs I’ve written and performed, or care that I sang opera and Mozart for 100 Catholic funerals, or what I looked like, who I was, all my credentials that I worked to hard to attain—television, radio, Juilliard, syndicated column in the NYTimes Syndicate, a ridiculous # of talents that I developed one at a time, all the way to the top of each field—even writing jokes for late night comedians!

I used to think, “Wow. I have really assembled a LIFE!”

But when I saw the rusty blue pickup truck taking all the cardboard boxes of my husband’s life to the landfill, I was epiphanied. I can’t unsee or unthink or unrealize all that I’ve seen, thought or realized now.

So don’t feel sad for me. I did what Dylan Thomas said. I raged, raged against the dying of the light and will not go gentle into that good night (goodnight). I achieved great success in every endeavor I wanted to.

So that’s what the story is, and I hope you don’t worry or feel unhappy in any way. The fact that you cared enough to ask, and that you are reading all the way down here at the end of this LONG commentary, makes me happy YOU were born. Thank you for asking, my friend.

Reply

How to Study

I've given out my answer many, many times on Quora. So I hope it helps you!
______________________________________________________________


PART ONE
CORNELL METHOD OF NOTE-TAKING
​One Brilliant Technique for Note-Taking, Which Forces You to Pay Attention in Class While Having Fun with Colored Pens and Markers
The prestigious Cornell University has developed what is called Cornell Note-Taking Method. According to Cornell, it works like magic. They suggest you draw vertical lines down regular notebook paper to create the 2 columns down your page (one 2.5 inches wide, one 6 inches wide) but every college bookstore, or accounting supplies area, even WalMart, has preprinted books for this (The books of paper lined this way don't mention Cornell, but you'll see the pages divided in the Cornell Method. OMG I LOVE THIS PAPER FOR THIS KINDA NOTE-TAKING!), which I used and loved! It makes exam studying so simple you won't believe it. Colored pens and highlighters just make it more fun!
Here is the official page for the Cornell Notes instructions:
http://lsc.cornell.edu/study-skills/cornell-note-taking-system/
PART TWO
​MY INVENTION FOR HOW TO NAIL ANY EXAM OR TEST!
My No-Cheat Trick Mega-Hack:
Everything You Could Possibly Do to Get Incredibly Great Grades on Exams.
I’m asked SO often how I made straight A's my last 2 years (after I invented this) in an extremely difficult law school (300 applications for each seat in this law school--HARD to get in) doing this (below) that I'm giving it to you for free. If I got to you too late for your exams, you might consider printing this out for your next level of education because this is a trick only law professors teach and almost no one knows it. Here it is:
​A. First, if you ever miss even one class during a course, ask a student who was there and who took notes if you can make a copy of their notes from that class (best if he/she emails the notes to you so you don't borrow the actual notes and risk losing them!). You might even have to pay, in grad school, but do it. If you know of a student with a laptop who seems to take great notes, then when you get back to the next class, ask that student to email you a copy of the notes. Offer to pay if it's law or medical school. (I always did this, and ONCE, the ENTIRE EXAM was about the m aterial in the one class I missed, and if I hadn't gotten those notes, I would have failed the course. True story!).
B. Now, about 2 days or more before the exam (Yes, THAT long is how long to study if you want an A), pick up all your class notes, and the textbooks or handouts the teacher assigned you. Boil all of that down to an outline that covers every single thing the teacher taught from beginning to end of the semester.
​C. The best and most fun, even comical, way to memorize the outline is by making it into a picture of a road that goes in a circle and for each topic of the class, you draw a different stupid little picture. Work on this for 2 days before an exam. Part of the time will be creating the outline and/or drawings. Part of the time will be making sure you know about each topic. The rest of the time, stare at the outline and/or drawings and keep trying to memorize them and check texts and handouts and class notes and make sure you memorize all of it. It does take two 8- or 10-hour days of doing nothing but this if you want possibly the highest grade in the class. REMEMBER: This method is used in the hardest law schools, is taught by the professors, and you WILL memorize the outline (the whole course!) if you do this.
D. Perfume??? Also do this: choose a strong perfume or cologne that you have at home. Put it on the back of your hand, a lot of it, so you can smell it through every minute of your study time. Just before the exam, apply that exact perfume or cologne to the back of your hand before you walk into the exam. Science has proven unquestionably that smells will cause you to remember things you could not recall any other way. If you smell something during an event, 50 years later, that smell will make you recall the event. Use this trick for memorizing material for an exam. Smelling your hand during the exam can make you recall things you might forget. It works amazingly! BUT WARNING! Use a DIFFERENT fragrance for each exam. If you don't, you will be in an exam accidentally remembering things from a different exam. Always use a different fragrance for each exam!
OPEN-BOOK EXAM METHOD​
If you have an open-book exam, just bring in your outline/drawing and use it .
​ CLOSED-BOOK EXAMS TRICK​
​ Step one: If you have a closed- book exam, meaning you can't bring in anything but a pencil, then for the last hour before the exam, sit right outside the exam room and stare at the outline /drawing for that hour before the exam starts , continuing to memorize it (after the days of memorizing it at home).
​ Step two: Don't forget to have that fragrance on the back of one hand.
Step three: For blue-book exams, just before exam time, throw away the outline/drawing you've been staring at, then quickly go into the exam room. Grab a blue book (in America we use booklets called blue books to write exam answers) or whatever paper they give you to write your exam on and IMMEDIATELY RE-WRITE AND RE-DRAW YOUR OUTLINE INSIDE THE BLUE BOOK FROM MEMORY. Now you can use the outline/drawing throughout the exam! Make sure you use only paper from INSIDE the exam room. This is so the Prof will know you didn’t bring any outline or drawing into the room. ​​
Note: If you are ever accused of having brought the outline into the class, either have an explanatory note under the outline telling how you did it, OR show them a copy of these instructions so they'll understand how you could have had an outline on your test paper.
​ Step four: If your exam is printed on paper that is handed out near start time, just wait. When the teacher hands out the exams, face down, still just sit there. When s/he says "Go" or "Turn over your paper and begin," NOT UNTIL THEN do you duplicate your outline/drawing on the back of the exam sheet or in a corner of the paper. Don't start writing before s/he says GO or it will look like cheating. Even tho it takes up a little of your exam tim e to recreate (draw/write) the outline or drawing as fast as you can on some part of the exam paper , it's worth it. Be thorough in reproducing it. It's the whole course condensed! Now you will have an outline to look at through the whole exam and without cheating.
​ Step five: Just keep referring to your newly drawn outline or drawing during the exam And keep smelling the back of your hand (on which is the same perfume or cologne you smelled all through your study days). I thought up the part about the smell-memory stimulation technique after studying how memory works .
​ Step six: Making thousands of dollars legally after a killer exam:
IMPORTANT: WHEN YOU LEAVE THE EXAM, retrieve your outline/drawing from the trash can or maybe you made a copy at home, but don't lose the outline/drawing even if you threw it into a rubbish can.
If you get a high grade on the exam, you can later sell that outline/drawing for a lot of money to as many people as you want, who will be taking the same course next semester. This is NOT cheating. It is NOT cheating to buy study guides of any kind. People have paid as much as $100 for a copy, if you got an A and can prove it. Tell them about the fragrance trick too. You can make more than $1,000 selling copies, depending on how scared students are of the exams; in law school, it was easy to get $100 per copy. This is not cheating.
* * *
I hope you will PLEASE click that upvote button below for me. I invented this, risked a lot to try it, got literally the highest grade in every exam my last 2 years, after I invented this trick, and I'm just handing it over to you with human-to-human love, in the spirit of Quora, hoping I help you. I work for free here, just a volunteer. All I need is taps on that Upvote, and a world of good things happen to me. Thank you and I would LOVE to hear back how this worked for you! Go get 'em, tiger!

What to Say to Someone Who Just Lost a Loved One

I just lost my sweet husband of 25 years. He endured seven years of horrible sickness from chemo, and then death, gasping for air. 

Many people are not sure what to say when, for one reason or another, I have to mention that he just died. 

I've been often asked what I wish people would say. And I'm an overly emotional person, so people figure that if I like something said, and that saying that won't put me into hysterics of sobbing, then they'll be able to safely use that comment for anyone. 

Here's what I think is best to say (and in my bereavement groups, virtually every attendee has agreed with this):

My favorite spoken comment is always either “I’m so sorry,” or “My condolences." 

Those phrases are short, they get the point across, they don’t trigger sad memories, and they are what the bereaved expects to hear, and will usually reply, “Thank you” or “Thank you. It’s ok.” Or “I appreciate that.” 

Anything else you might say, creative or meant to go deeper, may be intrusive to a bereaved person. 

The exception, of course, is when you write an extended statement in a card. There, speak your heart. Say anything except to speak of horrors. I've never been offended by any card in which someone has written more than just a phrase.

But I'm talking about what to say in public or to a stranger in a quick exchange. 

Bereaved persons have to work hard to control their intense emotions and pain in public, especially speaking to another person (i.e. they don’t want to burst into tears), and they don’t want digging questions or questions that force them to think hard about the death. 

The shortest and quickest way you can get the statement of respect and compassion out, the better for the sad person. 

If the bereaved wants to talk more, they will (and often I'll add a comment, depending on the situation) but that should be their move, because some days, a sad person is balanced about as well as a house of cards on a sailboat, and it takes so little to upset them again. 

If the bereaved does, however, say more, just respond mildly and say whatever you wish, as long as it is not harsh. They may want to have a brief back-and-forth, and you may be gifting them by allowing them a sort of conversation. Don't worry: it will be a short conversation.

For example, I'll sometimes mention to a young person, after this initial exchange, that my husband died from tobacco use. My reason is to leave a message with the young person that taking the tobacco gamble is identical to playing Russian roulette. You lose? You snooze.

Recently, I spoke to a young repairman along these lines after he said, "Is this account information still correct?" and I said, "No. My husband's name should be removed. He died." 

The young man said, "I'm so sorry." 

I said, "Thank  you, it's okay." 

Then, hoping to save a life, I added, "He died from tobacco use." 

The man said, "Smoking?" 

"Yes. Smoking and chewing, even though he was a professor. So don't ever use tobacco thinking you'll beat the odds. That's what he thought." 

He said, "I won't." 

Then, having planted my little didactic seed, I quickly changed the subject to let him off the hook, as he would probably feel pressure wondering if he should say more. 

I give that true example only to show what a short conversation may be like if the bereaved speaks again after accepting your brief acknowledgment of the loss. 

I have a lot of experience with deaths of extremely close family members. My father was murdered when I was 12, my first husband died alone, my 2nd husband died with me at his bedside. 

And I remember nearly every single person who ever said those quick words.

I remember even cashiers, or repairmen who have said it. Even where I was standing when another 7th grader first said it to me when my dad died and bereavement was new to me. 

In fact, in those days, it was I who didn't know how to respond. I had to ask my mother what to say when a classmate said, "I'm sorry about your dad." I learned to say simply, "Thank you."

If you've not said it in the past, don't worry. People understand the awkwardness. I now have enough experience to realize that if someone says nothing (like a customer service agent on the phone who asks if the billing has changed and hears that a partner just died), I have compassion on that, because I know they simply had no idea what to say and felt embarrassed. 

I think the reason those words carry such weight is because a bereaved hungers to be connected to the rest of the world, as they feel so alone and lost and in a new role in society. 

So for even a total stranger to say those words, short as they are, makes the bereaved feel, “I still belong to the world. I lost my beloved, but the world CARES and cares about me enough to say that. They understand my pain. I feel that I belong and that I am understood.” 

All of that actually enters my mind when anyone says even those very short phrases. 

So stick with the minimum.

It’s small, but it's huge. And it's right.

My Rescue Dog (Hospice Dog Adoption) Failure #1

I was unable to endure to the end with my second rescue dog who was supposed to be a hospice dog.

Not only was she not a hospice dog, she was not even a senior, as I discovered from her vet, despite my being told repeatedly by the rescue that she was a senior AND impaired physically, both requirements for my program.

As you can read in the prior post, I take in old dogs that have been given this: "There is nothing more that we can do," from a vet. I bring them in, adopt them, and care for them till they die in my arms so they die knowing they are loved and worthy of love.

I just started this, which I call my Dog Hospice.

But I have to return my second dog.

I don't feel guilty.

I'm writing this to help you avoid a similar mistake if you decide to bring a Hospice dog into your family.

This dog is a beautiful, REALLY beautiful, German Shepherd Dog, and I love her with all my heart, and she loves me. She is easily the best dog I have ever had in my whole life, for love, protection, beauty.

But (and I refuse to place blame):

(1) I was told that she was housebroken. She doesn't even have the first hint of what housebroken means, as it turns out. I tried for a couple of weeks to teach her, as she is so intelligent. I even leave the front door--the whole door!--open 24 hours a day (lucky I live in a safe neighborhood) so that she can step out into the fenced grassy area and do her business. But she won't go out. She makes giant steaming mounds of German Shepherd poo and gallons of pee on my wood floor, several times a day, and at night. I even blocked off the living area and built a little hallway for her using dog gates: 48 inches to the front door. Fail: She does her business in that hallway. She will not go outside.

(2) She attacked my small poodle. He was standing still not even looking at her, and she started biting him and slammed her paw down in the middle of his spine. I was never told she would attack small dogs, unprovoked.

(3) She goes wild with vicious barking, snarling, growling, rearing up, and threatening toward anyone outside of our yard. I was NEVER told she did this. In our County Ordinance (read yours online before you adopt), this defines her as a "dangerous dog" -- the threatening behavior, even without attack. One incident and she is supposed to be quarantined for 10 days. Second incident (of just the threatening behavior!) and she is PUT DOWN. I am required to report any incident. I didn't report it. But I laid awake the night after her first and second attempts to perhaps kill some people, and sweated out: what if her leash had broken? What if her collar had slipped off? What if my small hand couldn't hold back this powerful huge animal? What if a child had come up behind her and she turned on the child? What if I hadn't known she was vicious and had walked her in a public place and she had maimed or killed a passing dog? I WAS NEVER TOLD THIS ABOUT HER. I feel that I should have been informed. This is a life and death situation. I could never live if she maimed a child or anyone or killed or maimed someone's dog. Not to mention, I would be liable for one hell of a lawsuit AND could go to prison for 20 years for manslaughter by proxy. Yes. This is the position I was put into by relying on the person who sold her to me.

(4) She is NOT A SENIOR. I was told she was. In fact, she is only 7, as it turns out.

(5) She is not IMPAIRED. I was told she was crippled by bone disease. She is not.

(6) She is not a Hospice dog with a short time to live, nor a dog for whom vets "have done everything that can be done." She is perfectly well. Bounds around, plays, runs.

(7) She is wildly destructive in a house. She shredded all of my other dogs' toys, and then went into my closet and started pulling out my clothes and shoes and destroying them when I was out of the room only for minutes. And this is not for lack of exercise. I walk her briskly 45 minutes twice a day.

(8) I have never left her in the house, while I went out, except one time for 3 hours. I left her in her crate, with a pillow, a dog bed and a soft blanket and water. When I got home, she had urinated all over everything in the crate, perhaps out of anger. I had to clean all of that up and wash all of that, AND wash her, covered with urine. I felt I should have been warned that when I leave her in her crate, leave nothing else in there. I guess I'd still have to clean HER up, of urine and feces, and clean out the whole crate.

(9) She can RAPIDLY chew through a leash, and did so. Luckily it was inside before we went on our walk. What if she had done that in a public place and then attacked?

Well, those aren't even all that she does, but here is the take-away:

When you don't know the foster parent of the dog, you cannot just take their word. Write out each of these behaviors with a box next to it. State that if the dog fits any of these behaviors, the dog will be picked up within 48 hours by the foster person. Then have the foster parent initial each paragraph stating that they have not informed you that the dog is capable of this behavior.

Meanwhile, my first Hospice dog, Annie, a gorgeous purebred Brittany (spaniel), is the real deal. Five inoperable broken ribs from a human beating. Brain damage and an inoperable lump on her skull. Inability to breathe without a struggle. Deaf. Almost blind. Obedient, sweet, gentle, desires to please, 100% housebroken and will wear a diaper if that ever fails due to her VERY compliant nature. Never barks. Sleeps most of the time. Friendly to the other dogs. A treasure. A precious treasure.

Annie is what you want when you look for a Hospice dog.

And if you think about it, you probably have room for just ONE! If everyone took just one, no dog would spend its last year in misery and pain, unloved, unwanted, sleeping on concrete inside a fence, with no one person to call her own.

Consider an Annie.

HOW TO START A HOSPICE FOR DOGS IN YOUR HOME

How to Start a Hospice for Dogs in Your Home: (Dog Hospice)

If this is of interest to you, will you please leave a comment that says simply, "Yes" so I can find out if search engines brought you here, and if this is a topic in which you and others would be interested.

Early in 2017, I got the idea that since I had only two small dogs, both seniors (ages 10 and 11--one a Boston Terrier and one a miniature poodle), and because I had a huge fenced yard and a small picket fenced yard out front, and extra time (early retirement), I could take in some elderly dogs and give them love and a sense of family and a feeling of worth, in the latter days of their lives.

I wanted dogs that were within a year of dying, but were happy and spirited enough that it wasn't time to put them down. I wanted the dogs that no one else would ever want. Everyone wants puppies.

So I read a lot about people that took in elderly, unwanted dogs to give them a happy ending to their sad lives. I studied how they did it, why they did it, was it affordable, are they glad they did it, and so on.

After all my study, it seemed that I was quite able to bring in two elderly unwanted dogs to begin and to see if I liked this work.

So I registered with several online shelters, as well as Petfinder and one other group which sends you emails when a pet meeting your specifications has turned up at a shelter near you.

Then I realized that I had to be checked out before I could adopt. I also found out that if you wait until you find the exact dog you want, and THEN start filling out the adoption papers, someone else may get your dog first, because being cleared for adoption takes time.

So  I chose my 5 most-desired sources of adoptable elderly pets, and I filled out all the adoption questionnaires. They all require your vet's phone number and they all really did call my vet and ask if I was a responsible dog owner. Luckily, my vet must have responded enthusiastically, as I passed all 5 applications. But in reality, I'm not that good about getting to the vet regularly. I'm always late with my annual checkup. But thank goodness, the vet spoke highly of me!

Now I got to choose two dogs!

I wasn't sure whether to follow my heart or my head. You start with just a picture of the dog. Then there is a good description of the dog's plusses and minuses. Then you can email someone (you never know if you're emailing the shelter or the foster mom who has the dog in her house).

The first dog was to be a German Shepherd. I knew that I wanted that breed. I'd never had one before--well, a white one, but white ones aren't considered REAL German Shepherd Dogs (the word "Dogs" is supposed to be included. Not German Shepherd. But German Shepherd Dog is the real breed name. But I'll just say GS to save time.)

I wanted a GS partly to help me feel secure in my house, due to location and living situation. I also admire highly intelligent breeds, and most of all, I wanted a dog that would be clingy and very attached to me. I'd never had a child like that, or a partner like that, or a friend like that. And I, myself, am clingy and get very attached and don't ever want to be separated from those I love.

So it's been a lifelong search and hope to find an intelligent creature who would adore me, cling to me, attach to me, and care about my welfare.

WOW! DID I EVER PICK THE RIGHT BREED FOR THAT!

I've had SO many breeds in my life. (I'll list them, though you will probably be bored by it: Mini-schnauzer, cocker spaniel, Weimaraner, Yorkshire terrier, Newfoundland, wire hair terrier, two Labs who mated and had 12 puppies in my house, border collie, Italian greyhound, Yorkie-poo, Boston terrier, miniature poodle, white Alsatian Shepherd, and now German Shepherd Dog and a Brittany, and I probably forgot some! ) And not ONE of them, before these two rescues, was ever clingy, attached, single-mindedly devoted, protective. NOT ONE SINGLE DOG EVER!

But they all stayed with me till death. I never relinquished any dog. 

I've loved dogs since I was 5. Now I love them because, after decades of life, I've learned that there is no person, no matter how close to you, family or friend, that you can be sure will never turn on you and someday hate you without your ever knowing why. And when I love, I love without limits, maybe too much. I love like a perpetual waterfall. And the only beings I've ever found who will accept that much love and will NEVER turn on you and stop loving you and kick you out of their lives--is dogs. 

And speaking of devotion from dogs: Oh, what a waste of dog-owning life I lived by not knowing about German Shepherd Dogs.

And I picked her completely intuitively. Well, that is, she had to be within the lines of what I wanted: Senior, homeless, considered not likely to ever be wanted due to age and conditions (arthritis, cancer, missing legs, eyes, ears -- anything that would turn most adopters away).

Any dog I got had to be within reasonable driving distance of about 2 hours at the most.

The dog HAD TO BE HOUSEBROKEN.

Heartworm negative.  Thoroughly checked by vets (shelter dogs are usually the only dogs that can afford this kind of thorough checking, with MRI and CT scans, surgery, spaying, removal of tumors and those wildly expensive dentals to fix their rotten teeth. Things like that. The reason shelter dogs can afford all of this is that most shelters are connected to a national group which pays for all of that medical work! This is why the price you pay for an adopted shelter dog is the bargain of the century. The shelters lose thousands of dollars on each dog because donors keep national and local shelters funded, for things like that.)

HOW DEEP AND WIDE ARE THE HEARTS OF DONORS WHO GIVE MONEY TO HELP HELPLESS ANIMALS! BLESS ALL OF YOU!

So I only considered dogs within my parameters.

Well, the first SECOND that I saw Edwina's photo (that's the name they gave her in California. They've called her Dweenie. I don't like the name, but can't think of a new one), I felt like I had seen her before. But I hadn't. I sort of jumped. I felt her already in my heart, and as if she was the greatest most beautiful deserving girl in the whole wide world.

That's what I mean by choosing "intuitively." I felt all that the second I saw her picture, even though I had looked at dozens of pictures for months!

I quickly made contacts to get her, and though others had looked at her, she didn't like the people! The foster mom said, "German Shepherds pick YOU. You don't pick them. So come by and see if she picks you." Several people had been turned away by Edwina. She growled at them or wouldn't come near them or ran and hid. But when I walked in, she ran up to me and gave me kisses!!!! Without even knowing me!!! I was there for 2 hours (I'd brought her some gifts--dog toys--and she loved them.) and she kissed me frequently and when I told her, "Sit!" she immediately sat. And when I looked into her eyes, I felt the WHATEVER.

So I won Edwina!

The second dog I found by accident. I saw a photo of a breed I wasn't interested in and knew nothing about: A Brittany. Formally called Brittany Spaniel. I was just roaming through photos and saw one that made my heart jump. She looked so beautiful, sad, and sweet. And she was DEAF. To me, a huge plus. No one wanted her. Deaf and old. But when I read about her personality, and how she fit perfectly in my parameters, I contacted the foster mom and we hit it off to such a degree that when the mom came to do the required home visit, she brought the Brittany! I had already passed the test!

(As I'm typing this, Edwina is cuddling up with me and throwing her head backward onto my shoulder, kissing me, and put her GIGANTIC paw on the keyboard, making all kind of bad things happen to this post, things I must fix. She is such a lover!)

The Brittany came with the name of Annie Banannie. Oh, I didn't like that name at ALL. And what did it matter what her name was if she was deaf? But even though I had created a list of almost a thousand great dog names, while hunting for my two dogs, I just left her as "Annie." Sometimes Louisi-annie.

Annie is so sweet and humble that she almost doesn't exist. She is a gorgeous pedigree, had been used for a lot of breeding, has bad cataracts, so can't see or hear very well, but what a gorgeous dog! Very cheerful, but shy and quiet. Loves to get on my bed for cuddles, but if the other dogs get rambunctious, she goes into her "bedroom" at the back of my closet where she situated herself on her first day here. It's a great spot.

Sadly, Annie also came with 5 broken ribs and a huge lump on her head. The vet said she had definitely been beaten up and kicked by a human, that this was not a car accident. Hurting Annie would be like hurting a newborn bunny. Too horrible to imagine!

So she was wheezing a lot when she got here, but now she almost never wheezes. I'm  trying to figure that out. Maybe she is just getting better.''

HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I CAN SAY TO YOU IF YOU LIKE THE WAY THIS SOUNDS AND WANT A HOSPICE DOG OF YOUR OWN, OR MAYBE 14 LIKE A MAN IN A YOUTUBE VIDEO I WILL LINK HERE.

The first week is maximum stress for all of you. And yet that week gives you ZERO information about how things will really be later. I was so stressed that I got shingles! I was so stressed I cried! Edwina got bloody diarrhea her second day here, and yes, all over the house. I was cleaning it up and crying. I had to go through convolutions to figure out how to fix her and to drive a long way to get the food she had been used to at her prior home which was really a kennel with 20 German Shepherds, so the precious woman who took all those dogs in hardly had time to spend individually with each dog every day. But I had to call her so many times for help, and she had to call her vet, and we finally got the diarrhea fixed, but I thought, "WHAT HAVE I DONE!!!!" I tried to return her, but luckily the foster mom told me to hold on just a little longer. Thank God she did and that I listened. It's  a 100% different world, once that first awful week of shock and change goes by.

Same with Annie. She didn't get diarrhea, but she hid all day and wouldn't eat, and my Boston kept growling and jumping at her, and I freaked out and tried to return her, but luckily, there was a wait before I could meet the foster mom to return her, and during that wait, everything changed 180 degrees. It all suddenly fell into place.

So if you adopt a rescue dog, just KNOW that no matter what kind of personality that dog has, you will live through one week of hell. You just will. It is SO TRAUMATIC for you and for the new dog and for your previous dogs. You have no routines, no knowledge of the dog, its habits. It. Will. Be. Hell.

But I lived through it alone, so if I can do it, you sure can, as most of you probably have a partner to help.

Well, that's how it is to start up a dog Hospice. I learned a lot. Like NEVER SUDDENLY CHANGE THEIR FOOD. And HANG ON FOR THE WEEK FROM HELL BECAUSE IT WILL GO AWAY.

Please leave a comment, as I'm just starting this blog and I need to decide what single topic this blog will be about. Blogs nowadays have to be about one thing only.

Love to you! Please comment about what you'd like this blog to be about. I have more ideas. I'll post them in the next few days. Bye for now!

Morphine Madness Short-Short Story

My husband was in ICU after a 12-hour operation in March. He was watching March Madness Basketball on the TV. He was VERY intoxicated from the surgery meds. He told me he wanted to turn the volume up on the TV. So I said that the remote control was beside him. So he picked it up and started pushing the button over and over. By mistake, he had picked up the "push button for more morphine" controller and after 5 clicks, he passed out.

SCIENCE TRUTH: END URINARY TRACT AND YEAST INFECTIONS

(IF I GET EVEN ONE REQUEST, MY NEXT BLOG ENTRY WILL BE THE ROUTINE FOR ENDING VAGINAL YEAST INFECTIONS AND UTIs (URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS) FOREVER. NOT COMPLICATED AT ALL.) 

*  *  *

I used to have chronic urinary tract infections. They were so frequent that my bladder lining was being trashed. I am a legal researcher, so I used my ability and researched until I found the solution. I began following what I'd learned and that was in 2005. It is now 2017, and I have NEVER ONCE had another urinary tract infection.

I currently have a yeast infection. That is because I got lazy and overly confident and let go of my routine for preventing ANYthing from happening in my lady parts.

FINALLY, AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS OF MY ALREADY KNOWING HOW TO DO IT............NOW THE SCIENCE JOURNALS AND GOVERNMENT FDA SCIENCE JOURNALS ARE PUBLISHING WHAT I ALREADY KNEW.

Is anyone reading this interesting in the simple routine for ending all urinary tract infections and all yeast infections and even bacterial vaginitis (though I've never had that).

I don't know if anyone reads this blog yet. So email me or reply via this blog, and IF I GET EVEN ONE REQUEST, MY NEXT BLOG ENTRY WILL BE THE ROUTINE FOR ENDING VAGINAL INFECTIONS AND UTIs (URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS) FOREVER. NOT COMPLICATED AT ALL. 

And now that I have science peer-reviewed journals backing up my exact discoveries from 12 years ago, I feel REALLY confident sharing how to do this without complexity or weird foods, or anything odd. Simple stuff.

Lost Puppy. See poster.